Shikata ga Nai

B.A.R.

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:54:02 GMT

So, it's Blog Against Racism week. And, like a well-meaning memesheep, I thought I could post some thoughts on it.

I have the fortune of not seeing too much of race. A good deal of time, I don't even see "mixed race" people as one race or another. However, I have noticed that this can be seen as racism. Heck, occasionally racist part is that I see them as white. Somebody will point out that they are of mixed race. Honestly, I thought Mariah Carey and Vin Diesel weren't mixed race until people pointed it out.

Language is also another thing I accept yet struggle with. I have no problem with people speaking in another language around me. I mean, about 2/3 of the music I own to is in Japanese, and I prefer to watch anime in Japanese. The laundromat I go to has an Eastern European person (formally called Russian, but those people might be from another former Soviet country) who speaks in Russian sometimes and, if I go in early, listens to a Russian talk show. I have no problems with multi-language stuff (again, when your hobby deals with people that speak a totally different language than you, it helps to come across the occasional item printed in your language as well.)

However, Spanish is the main problem I try to hurdle over. Spanish seems to be more and more prevalent, to the point where some jobs require you to learn Spanish and telephone help services give a Spanish option. Part of me wonders "why Spanish? Is it because of all the immigrants? Why are there so many immigrants?" That is where I often look at what I'm saying and backpedal with myself with stuff like "Why don't they have Russian and Korean options? We get a lot of those immigrants." I do see signs and other things in Korean all the time when I go down to Federal Way, and an odd sign in a Cyrillic script even pops up from time to time.

I know people have problems with the signs in non-English. People in the United States demand that stuff be written in English only. People see any other language as "un-American". They look at the person who comes from Korea or Mexico and they see somebody who is invading America and taking their jobs. Never do they realize what it would be like to be them: people who are looking for a better life from oppression, but find a different kind of oppression in the form of racism. This doesn't help the fact that we as Americans have the international stereotype of getting away with stuff "because we're Americans".

Anyway, on a bit of a lighter note, racism is why I wonder if stuff like a noosphere is a step in the direction away from racism. Of course, thinking that ignores all the problems of a noosphere...

I'm Not Dead, But I'm Not Quite The Same

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 04:00:35 GMT

Wow. I really haven't posted in a long, long, time.

gwyd messaged me to see if I am okay. The truth? Kind of not.

After being in the hospital from a hit-and-run accident in February and not being able to even reach my family was emotionally worse than the actual injuries. All that emotional trauma was so bad that I could barely speak for a couple weeks after. Not to mention that my misanthropy level rose (being hit by a car who takes off, going to to the ER, not being able to contact anybody I knew, and dealing with the bill is horrible).

I've been so alone that I've been going to the game room; but with the occasional rude and homophobic comments I hear, I am seriously thinking of stopping that. I've thought of stopping before, but then I think. Those Friday nights are close to my only face-to-face social interaction (I also do Voice chat on Mondays with another group), and if I stop that I have no idea what people will think. Plus, comments aside, I do kind of enjoy playing.

Honestly, I keep coming close to just becoming a shut-in. I just feel that I'm losing my ability to connect to people. I've lost several people over the past year, and I wonder why I put energy into relationships in the first place if people are going to rip away from me. I'm also caring a whole lot less about the outside world and humanity. I've started playing board, miniature, and video games against myself.

Oh, and another reason for a lack of updates was that my computer died. I'm on a tiny laptop now.

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:53:13 GMT

Everybody's leaving me now.
I'm so out of touch with everyone.

And I was also dumped by my girlfriend.

GAME OVER
BAD END

Aaahhhh!

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 03:21:49 GMT

I tried to go out for a drink today at the Black Drop. I had an iced latte, which when I tasted it I swear it was the second worst drink I've gotten there (the worst being a toddy). And I was backlogged by other people who were known by the people and I swear came in after me. You know, maybe I should find another place; the Black Drop is confirming my nonexistence.

The past couple times I've been down to the game rooms at Eagles have been like... well, like I didn't walk in. Nobody noticed or cared. I just didn't fit in. With gamer guys. I feel like people suggesting I go play with others to feel less lonely, but I don't fit in with them.

Last Saturday was so nice because I felt important. Now I'm back to feeling like I barely exist.

Anyway, I know I exist enough to pick up some used DVDs (Volume 1 of Tsukikage Ran and Irresponsible Captain Tylor, if you're curious).

Belated DVD Player Gift

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 23:52:15 GMT

I finally got my all-region DVD player. It came a half-hour ago. I've tested it, and it works... at least on Reigon 1 and all-region DVDs. It even came with a free Chinese drama DVD.

(Backstory: When my birthday came around two months ago, my parents asked what I wanted. I pointed out to them this site. They actually agreed to it, but didn't order it until a week or two ago.)

(Since I've had to descibe this to a lot of people, here is an explanation of regions:)
http://us.yesasia.com/help/Topic.aspx?topicId=1107&lang=en

(Edit 5:55pm: The link should work now.)

Moving Others

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 04:17:11 GMT

Well, today I helped nuin (and to a lesser extent changeling7) move into their new place. It was nice to meet some of her friends, and help her move. I'm a bit tired (I was moving all that stuff on little sleep) and certain articles of clothing got really uncomfortable after a while.

More Memelings

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 04:50:32 GMT

You scored as Casual Gamer. You generally get left out when people talk about gamer types, but there's usually one in each game. You tend to be low key and come to hang out with your friends. But, you fill a very important and often underappreciated role of taking on the job nobody else jumps up at. And, typically, you also help to balance out some of the stronger personalities in the group. Good on you!

</td>

Casual Gamer

83%

Storyteller

67%

Butt-Kicker

50%

Specialist

50%

Power Gamer

42%

Method Actor

42%

Tactician

17%

Law's Game Style
created with QuizFarm.com

The Expatriate

Achtung! You are 38% brainwashworthy, 27% antitolerant, and 4% blindly patriotic

Congratulations! You are not susceptible to brainwashing, your values
and cares extend beyond the borders of your own country, and your Blind
Patriotism ("patriotism" for short) does not reach unhealthy levels. In Germany in the 30s, you would've left the country.

One bad scenario -- as I hypothetically project you back in time -- is
that you just wouldn't have cared one way or the other about Nazism.
Maybe politics don't interest you enough. But the fact that you took
this test means they probably do. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the
doubt.

Did you know that many of the smartest Germans departed prior to the
beginning of World War II, because they knew some evil shit was
brewing? Brain Drain. Many of them were scientists. It is very possible
you could be one of them, depending on your age.

Conclusion: Born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would not have been a Nazi.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 61% on brainwashworthy
You scored higher than 38% on antitolerant
You scored higher than 2% on patriotic

Link: The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Stuff

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 03:54:59 GMT

I realized last night that I haven't heard or seen the woman and child that lived next door with the obnoxius tenant. Her car is gone. I'm wondering if she she finally got tired of the emotional abuse and left him, taking the child. I'm glad for her, but the jerk still lives next to me.

My mother is still wondering when I am going to move. Considering that at least 3-4 people I know have moved this summer, I was thinking of moving. I didn't have very good excuses (get away from jerk next door, get family off my back, and "my friends are all moving, so why don't I").

Lemming

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 09:36:58 GMT

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.

1.~How did you meet changeling7? At an RP game
2.~What would you do if you had never met squirrelmh? I wouldn't play his homebrewed game, and Saturday would have a lot more cancelled games.
3.~What do you honestly think of fllmtlarchivist? He's a good person, but a little weird and a little sad.
4.~Would or did george1shop and nuin go out? I seriously doubt it.
5.~Have you ever liked davesc4545? As a possible friend...
6.~If fllmtlarchivist died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? Uh... warn him that's he's going to die tomorrow?
7.~Would fllmtlarchivist and chobits00_freya make a good couple? Eww, no! They're brother and sister!
8.~Describe kaitou_marina in 3 words: Cute hyper otaku.
9.~Do you think fllmtlarchivist is hot? Not really.
10.~Would fllmtlarchivist and rommy make a lovely couple? It wouldn't last, especially considering neither swing that way.
11.~What do you think of when you see nuin? I don't know... Bears with fairy wings?
12.~Tell me something humiliating about chobits00_freya: Uh... she's very cute in her own way?
13.~Do you know any of naudiz's family members? No; I've heard about them.
14.~What's fllmtlarchivist's favorite color? How should I know?
15.~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is miladycarol? A 7
16.~What would you do if sbloss just professed their undying love for you? Tell her that she's married to a better person than I am.
17.~What language does george1shop speak? English, Chinese
18.~Who is fllmtlarchivist going out with? Nobody
19.~Is biomekanic a boy or a girl? the boy half
20.~Would pjack and sbloss make a good couple? No, for so many reeasons...
21.~Who do you think lethran would be great with from this list? Nobody, really. Maybe naudiz or miladycarol
22.~When was the last time you talked to fllmtlarchivist? Tuesday
23.~What is davesc4545's favorite band? I don't know.
24.~Does chiba_yuriko have any siblings? She has sisters.
25.~Would you ever date naudiz? No
26.~Would you ever date kaitou_marina? Probably, but any relationship I'd have wouldn't last long (and she's much cuter with chiba_yuriko, anyway)
27.~Is lethran single? Yes.
28.~What is fllmtlarchivist's last name? Pavia
29.~What is pjack's middle name? Weird?
30~What is fllmtlarchivist's fantasy? I'm guessing being in a harem anime, but I'm not sure...
31.~Where does biomekanic live? Eugene
32.~Would you make out with changeling7? Probably not; I can't see myself with her
33.~Are squirrelmh and naudiz best friends? Not best friends, but they are friends.
34.~Does kaitou_marina like fllmtlarchivist? As friends, yes; not as a love interest, however
35.~How did you meet pjack? I think he was one of the people who came into the room that OryCon.
36.~Is fllmtlarchivist older than you? No; I'm older.
37.~Is rommy the sexiest person alive? No.

Star Wars: Revelations

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 01:33:48 GMT

For anybody interested, I stumbed across a fan-made Star Wars movie called Revelations. It's not bad, but the acting quality is definately B-grade and they obviously make stuff up (like a non-Mara Jade Emperor's Hand).

http://www.divx.com/movies/detail.php?movieID=23&cID=4

Events

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 21:34:58 GMT

For people wondering about whether I'm going or not to certain events:

• Dragon's Down - No (I promised a friend to help them move)
• Warren War - Most likely (although I really need to decide if it's for a day or the entire event)
• Sakura-con - Yes (although I'm not registered and will have to do the more expensive pre-reg next month)
• OryCon - Most likely, provided I can still share a room (I though about it, and figured if I can deal with family for almost a week, then I should be okay with three days of friends; I also might need to shift my priorities and realize that being with friends are a coincidence and to pay attention more to the actual con).

Memelings

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 19:54:50 GMT

Werewolf - Evil or Not?

What type of evil being are you inside?
brought to you by Quizilla

More Emotional

You have:
55% SCIENTIFIC INTUITION and
70% EMOTIONAL INTUITION

The graph on the right represents your place in Intuition 2-Space. As you can see, you scored above average on emotional intuition and about average on scientific intuition.Keep
in mind that very few people score high on both! In effect, you can
compare your two intuition scores with each other to learn what kind of
intuition you're best at. Your emotional intuition is stronger than
your scientific intuition.

Your Emotional Intuition
score is a measure of how well you understand people, especially their
unspoken needs and sympathies. A high score score usually indicates
social grace and persuasiveness. A low score usually means you're good
at Quake.

Your Scientific Intuition
score tells you how in tune you are with the world around you; how well
you understand your physical and intellectual environment. People with
high scores here are apt to succeed in business and, of course, the
sciences.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Scientific
You scored higher than 99% on Interpersonal

Link: The 2-Variable Intuition Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Why Speak?

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 14:14:57 GMT

I feel like I don't matter. Whatever I say never seems to stick, and when it does it's seems like it's usually something offensive that I didn't mean. Sometimes I'll try to say something meaningful, but the words seem to be worthless. I might work up the courage to say something, just to have the words having no meaning or value. It proves my idea that nothing really matters.

If all I say is meaningless or just hurts people, then why say anything at all? I guess it's because people care about me, or at least so I believe. Actually, I'm sure people do care about me as a living thing that resembles a human.

Alien

Sun, 14 Aug 2005 16:15:19 GMT

I went to bed last night on top of the bed sleeping on the covers. I woke up this morning to find myself under the covers and sore.

Anyway, I guess I'll complain about being an alien.

Lately, I feel like I don't belong. I realize that I am an individual, and have differences from everybody. But I've been feeling that those differences are too much, too far apart. It's like I'm not human. I can still be with groups and have fun (and even be happy for a bit), but I feel like I'm not like any of them when conversation comes up. It's like I'm on a totally different wavelength. I feel like I can't get close to a lot of people.

I do feel my friends care about me. I know when I go to Aiya or gaming that they like me. I just feel that I'm not like them. They often talk about things I either can't comprehend or can't relate to. But then, if somebody asked what can I relate to, I'm not sure I could answer.

I feel like I'm only partially in this world, and that I'll never completely fit in. It's as if I'm an alien from another world or another dimension. Or shouldn't exist.

Paradox?

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 17:48:10 GMT

I had a brief anti-technology stint yesterday. My computer was haywire; the profile settings got messed up, and my computer kept thinking it was December 2002. The AV plugs in the front of my TV were damaged somehow. Finally, I went to change the fuses to fix the power situation and didn't really know how. I ended up shocking myself twice before giving up. There was a point where my music players didn't work. I think somebody did fix the problem, because the lights and power came back on that evening, and everything somehow repaired itself.

In other news (or perhaps related), I don't feel as spiritually dead anymore. I'm not sure why. I had a big spiel on it, but I'll save that. Sufficed to say, I feel less like a zombie and feel more like an alien.

Memeling

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 20:38:41 GMT

Walk-In		Ever woken up one day and felt like you didn't even know who you were? who your family was? What you were even DOING here? Chances are your soul is a reassigned Walk-In , a replacement soul for when the first one became too dissilusioned and exhausted of its Earthly life, and requested to pull out of the mission. As a result of this you feel inexplicably lost at times, with a vast amount of questions no-one can answer, not even you. The main reason why Walk-Ins take on the role of a human being is because the previous soul was miserable in its situation, possibly attempting suicide to escape it. Instead of wasting a perfectly good body, you approched that soul and exchanged places, them going back to their spiritual home while you continue their work here on Earth. Rest assured only the most prestigious and self-assured souls with great experience of Earth and its many trials and tribulations take on this role, so while you may feel confused about how you ended up here, always keep in mind your wonderful sense of drive and inner strength, and that all you aspire to be will become a reality. You've come this far, and with your immense power you can only go even further.
Which Earth Angel Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

Powerless

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 04:40:19 GMT

I returned to my apartment a moment ago to find limited power to it. All of the lights and half of the outlets have no power. I have my computer and refrigerator (also known as "Life Support"), and 2 working power outlets. I have no lights or game systems. I don't even have a working flashlight. I'm guessing a fuze blew somewhere, but I don't know wich one; plus, it's too dark to work on that problem now. Tomorrow morning I get a fuze and start working.

Once more, I find proof that my life not only sucks, but it's a frickin' black hole.

Homophobia Awareness

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 19:33:11 GMT

While I was away, the Aiya portion of my LJ had a lot of things to bring light to this problem. So, for the other people, here are some posts...

• Letter from Vermont
http://www.livejournal.com/users/onehitwnderbard/398740.html
• Leaving the Classroom
http://www.livejournal.com/users/chiba_yuriko/73711.html
• "I am..."
http://www.livejournal.com/users/onehitwnderbard/402338.html

Movies and Anime

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 03:05:46 GMT

I scrounged up enough money to go see War of the Worlds. It was interesting; while it was nice that they showed things from a civilian perspective (complete with paranoia and backstabbing that goes on in a crisis), I think that since they altered it a bit they could have made the aliens use biological protection.

I also watched the first two episodes of the anime Koi Koi 7. All I have to say is the show is extremely perverted, but reminds me of Kujibiki Unbalance in that it's random.

Icons/Avatars, and The Monster Nausizz

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 06:22:09 GMT

(Don't ask me why they're called "avatars". It's probably the same group that call those tests "memes".)
Anyway, here are some I made due to boredom...

Addendum:
Oh, and just to throw in an in-joke, here's a screen shot from an SNK game called Crossed Swords.

I first misread this as "Naudiz". Which is funny on several levels (as the rune and the screen name of a friend. karjack, you might want to watch out for transparent knights in the near future...

Thoughts

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 19:30:28 GMT

There are some thoughts I really want to get out.

The Black Drop
The Black Drop is a friendly and warm place. The people are nice, the apmosphere is home-like and very relaxed. However, the past few drinks I have ordered there have simply been awful.

Harry Potter and the Speed Readers
I know the Harry Potter is written at a low reading level. That doesn't make people breezing through the book any easier. It hurt my fandom; I still like it, but I feel like I'm not as good a fan. Which is better than how I used to be feeling: that I wasn't a true fan because I didn't buy the book the day it came out and devour it within twenty-four hours.

Movie Count: Zero
I have realized that I have not seen a single movie this summer. The last thing I saw was Episode III when it first came out. And now half of the movies I've wanted to see are out of the theatres now. I suck. I see far too few movies, both classic and current.

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 08:57:34 GMT

Today I was tired and sore all day. I spent a lot of time in bed. When both the body and soul are down, it's bad. And what charismatic idiot made us think chicken soup makes things better? It's only this condensed food that's easy to make. Frankly, the soup added to the pain, not removes any. Then again, I'm not a soup fan. I used top like tomato soup bebore it made me sick. And the last letters of stew are "EW!"...

After drifting in and out of consciousness and subsiding on home rations (mainly semi-refrigerated tap water and canned vegetables) due a mixture of lacking money and energy, I've been in a bad mood.

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 06:02:15 GMT

For people curious about me trying the LARP in Cornwall Park went:
They were actually amazed that I showed up in costume, with their own weapon. Apparently few people fo that; they just show up, borrow weapons, and fight. The total plot on my side was as follows: Clan of Evil tried to recruit my character, which I was attacked when refused. Clan Evil tried again, and members of the Clan of Good actually backstabbed me for no apparent reason. I also have the character name Spearman, despite having a psudo-background and character idea. So, having a concept and a semi-elaborate costume was less important than, say, the fact that you use a spear.

Other than that, today keys were found, more bills added to the pile, and I wore myself out.

Memeling

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 07:26:01 GMT

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Stability	\|\|\|\|	16%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Religious	\|\|	10%
Hedonism	\|\|	10%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|	16%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|	16%
Need to dominate	\|\|	10%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Sexuality	\|\|	10%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|	17%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

As a bonus, I included the Trait Snapshot:
introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual

Self- and Others- Advice: Games

Sat, 23 Jul 2005 07:06:43 GMT

This is for me, as well as for a couple of people I know who might benefit from this right now.

If a game is not fun, or if the game was fun but isn't, then don't play it. It's simple, but often overlooked. I have to remind myself that it doesn't take much for me to get discouraged from a game. Whether it's an online RPG, tabletop RPG, video game, CCG game, or board game, I should stop playing if it upsets me. If it's a game I enjoyed once but am losing interest, I try to point out why I'm losing interest in that game. It can be anything from me not liking the rules anymore, to realizing that the charcter is not a good one for me, to something offending me.
On a related note: playing a game because others are playing it, or if you feel pressured into playing it, are not the best ideas for playing a game. If some friends want you to play a game, especially one that cost you money to play, you have every right to say no. This can apply both ways, and a person not wanting to play a game doesn't mean that they hate you or they're some weird elitist. They have the same rights to refuse to play a game as you do.
(Note to self: make sure I apply last two sentences to movies and anime as well.)

Why am I doing this? Oh, no reason other than finding myself and certain friends in the same situation. I figured by writing this, it would help myself and others.